How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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