Pants 0. Shit 1.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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