so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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