Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
