Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
