Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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