I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
