I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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