I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
