I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
