so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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