the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
