question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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