I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
try to milk me bitch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
