don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
birth control should be required to get into college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
