do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
