I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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