we're blogging at a bar
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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