OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
