He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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