I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We don't watch enough power rangers
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
