Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
