so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
