I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Two words: blizzard sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize