you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
