oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
