Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Small penises have feelings too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
