Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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