I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
