and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
