I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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