nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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