Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
