We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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