It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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