Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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