Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
