this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
