i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
