I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
