I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
