just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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