he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
