i need an iv and a liver transplant
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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