So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
