You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
