i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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