I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
