Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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