He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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