he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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