i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
