it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
