I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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