at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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