Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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