oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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