the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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