That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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