i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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