This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
