there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
