I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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